קסם וחסר מזה

Enchantment and lack thereof

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Location: Columbus, Ohio, United States

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Trouble in the Heartland

Republicans in Congress are happier than pigs in shit; they are truly on the brink of:

· bankrupting our once-wealthy nation with irresponsible tax cuts

· wasting lives and money on an evil and illegitimate war

· eliminating all government support for the poor, tired, hungry, disabled

· destroying the once-tangible and carefully designed barrier between church and state

· annihilating the natural beauty and purity of the only planet we can live on

· rewriting the bill of rights

· castrating the popular election system in favor of corporate donations

· global nuclear apocalypse with NO survivors!

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse in Washington, there was hope. Several big-shot Republicans are under investigation for numerous crimes and it should come as no surprise. Though all of the above actions are perfectly legal in today’s government, the Republicans couldn’t resist crossing the line. Blinded by money and power, these assholes broke laws of all kinds and now the tables are turning.

The Republicans in congress are beginning to see their comeuppance, and it ain’t pretty. Republicans have been breaking the law since long before Nixon’s time, and historically, few seem to take notice. Now the real corruption and greed behind the Republican party is starting to show through the rhetoric and spin. It all started with Tom DeLay.

Hammer Time

Tom “The Hammer” DeLay is one of many among staunch conservative assholes with some sort of tool up his ass. After being kicked out of Baylor’s pre-med program for substance abuse, he found a job as an exterminator, making rat-poison. It was there that he inhaled a few too many of the fumes and developed his hatred for the US Environmental Protection Agency. He has since been quoted calling the EPA “the Gestapo of the American government.” Environmental deregulation has been among his top priorities in congress.

He used to be a crazy drunk partier until 1984 when he was elected to congress and miraculously “found Jesus.” Hallelujah! Being a righteous and spiritual man now, he cut his drinking back from 12 martinis a night down to 4. His ethical behavior has not even begun to blossom.

He is known on Capitol Hill as the “meanest man in Congress.” A name given to the guy nobody seems to like. Yet he was elected to the most powerful position in the Legislature.

For the last 10 years Republicans in Congress have crusaded against “unnecessary” spending and what they call bloated government. DeLay, leading the party in its efforts is now under investigation for breaking the law. Since DeLays rise to power he has constructed a vast fund-raising network. He is accused of collecting corporate donations through a political action committee called Texans for a Republican majority or TRMPAC (Trimspa?) Then he funneled this money to select Republican representatives to help them win seats in Congress. This is illegal. He is accused of money laundering and conspiracy to do so. However just this week, conservative Texas judge Pat “Priest” Priest dismissed charges on election-fraud conspiracy in a related matter.

He has been forced to step down from his seat as House Majority Leader, and because of his ongoing indictments, will be replaced in January. Many of his Republican counterparts have stated that they are happy to see him go, that his close relationships with lobbyists, especially corporate ones, was a crime waiting to happen.

His guilt is certain, but whether he is found guilty has yet to be seen. The culture of corruption only begins here.

What a loser

Jack Abramoff is a powerful, conservative lobbyist on Capitol Hill. He is currently under investigation by three grand juries for three separate crimes!

  • By federal grand juries for his involvement in the Abramoff-Reed Indian Gambling Scandal.
  • By a grand jury in Guam for campaign finance fraud.
  • He has also been indicted on August 11, 2005, by a third grand jury in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, for bank fraud arising out of an unrelated business deal.

Abramoff has been a conservative asshole his whole life. After graduating from Brandeis and being a member of College Republicans. He moved to Hollywood to make anti-communist films such as Red Scorpion.

His most notable work is with Indian Casino Boats. After he and his associates conduct a counterfeit wire transfer of over $60 million dollars. They then used this money to buy a Casino Boat, and hired a hitman to kill the man selling the boats, which he did.

Tom DeLay has called Abramoff “one of my dearest and closest friends”. You shall be known by the company you keep. There is a line between legal and illegal political activities. Because of American campaign finance laws, this line is a blurry field. Abramoff and DeLay, along with many other Republicans, would often dance around this line, taking extravagant golf outings to Scotland, and participating in inside business deals.


Randy "Duke" Cunningham, Republican Congressman from California, recently pleaded no-contest to allegations of accepting $2.4 million in bribes for influence. He sold his office to defense contractors and pressed his commitee to grant them no-bid contracts. In addition to the cash, the contractors bought his house and resold it for a $700,000 loss. They bought him a new $3 house, a boat that he and his family lived on during lavish vacations, and paid for his daughter’s graduation party.

Knowing he was beat, he plead guilty and made a teary statement to the press. He faces up to 10 years in prison.

Dishonorable Mention

Let us not forget the hand-picked conservative Michael Brown, former director of FEMA who’s inexperience and stupidity caused the suffering of thousands of Louisianans.

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist is under investigation by the Securities and Exchange Comission for insider trading.


This is just the tip of the iceberg of Republican corruption. It is hard for me to understand why these people, in such powerful positions, use their power and influence to break the law, dabble in dirty business, and pursue lucrative “hobbies”. Why is there such a strong tie between our elected officials and the corporations that pay for their luxuries? Why do people in power naturally gravitate to illegal and immoral acts?

The tides of American politics are changing. Republicans are loosing their credibility and integrity and Americans are trusting them less. Though the Democrats are not making up the difference, they are not trusted more as a result, the distrust in politicians in general is setting the stage for a candidate that people can trust. Just as Jimmy Carter capitalized on the corruption of the Nixon administration, a new candidate will stand up for old-fashioned American interests, not the corporations that own us all.


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